Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

 

                Mankind can be divided into two groups:  those who like “Starship Troopers” and those who do not.  I am in the first category.  Within that first group there are two types:  those who look forward to its sequels and those who are skeptical.  I am in the second category on this one.  After a failed attempt at a cult classic with “Starship Troopers 2”, Edward Neumeier (who wrote the second one) managed to get Casper Van Dien to come out of obscurity to juice up the franchise.  Let’s see how much juice this produced.  Bug juice. 

                SPOILER ALERT:  The following covers the whole plot.  The movie opens with a broadcast from the Federal Network so we know this movie will have some of the vibe of the first film.  It is eight years into the Second Bug War and there are new bugs to adapt to.  War protesters are being executed, so the fascist satire has returned. There is also a crackdown on religion.  In an eerie foreshadowing of the rise of Trump, the Sky Marshall is a pop idol who had a hit with “It’s a Good Day to Die”.  The tongue is firmly placed in cheek early.  Off to the military post on Roku San and here comes the juice – Johnny “F’in” Rico!  His first line (during a bombardment) is:  “Pick up that arm and find out who it belongs to”.  Rico is now a Colonel.  Promotion is rapid in war movies.  There is a love triangle between Rico, his best buddy Gen. Dix Hauser (Boris Kodjoe) and a hot Capt. Lola Bek (Jolene Blalock).  Half the script effort went into naming the characters.  It turns out in the future its “hos before bros” as Dix the Dick actually thinks Lola will choose him over Johnny “Sex Magnet” Rico.  He has Rico arrested, but luckily a typically banzai assault by bugs interrupts. This is Rico’s milieu (a word he undoubtedly would not be able to define) and leads the defense which after all this time still consists of killing them with a ton of bullets.  Apparently humans have not evolved, but the bugs have.  They have a scorpion monster!  After the battle, Rico is court-martialed for assaulting Dix, but a rescue mission needs someone who is a futuristic Rambo.  Pardon him, that would be Johnny “Rambo” Rico.  The rescuees are Sky Marshal Anoke and Lola.  They are appearing in a “lost patrol” scenario.  One of the six is a holy roller reprising the Boris Karloff role from “The Lost Patrol”.  One is a girlie-girl named Holly Little. Who is going to get it first?  The doctor via an underground monster.  And yet, the next shot shows six walking. So much for continuity.  The cynical one is next.  Next up is the engineer Bull Brittles (winner of the very competitive name contest) who dooms himself by proposing marriage to Holly.  Meanwhile, we learn that Anoke is a traitor!  He is collaborating with the bugs and has a psychic connection with the original brain bug.  That’s right, this movie brings back both hunks – Rico and the “Brain of Brains”.  Anoke’s plan is to convert Earth to the bug religion.  Don’t you hate it when a war movie tries to shove religion down your throat?  Thanks, Mel Gibson.  The alliance between Anoke and the Bug does not go well for him, naturally.  So we are now down to the two chicks and boy are they in need of rescue.  Who might be available?  How about Johnny “Ass-kicking” Rico and his squad of Marauders?  And they are wearing the exoskeletons from the novel!  So now you can shut the Hell up, fans of the novel.  Better the third installment than never.  It’s bug-killing time.  And then it’s planet-cleansing time with a Q-Bomb (another taste from the novel).  

                I have to admit that “Starship Troopers 3” was not as fun as I expected.  As per my “rule of 3” (which tells us that the second direct-to-DVD from a quality original is better than the first sequel), I figured this installment would be better than “Starship Troopers 2”.   And it is, but that still does not make it good.  The CGI is low-budget inferior, but a notch above your usual straight-to-DVD.  The love triangle actors are fine, but the rest of the cast is meh.  They play stock characters and most are there as bug bait.  The one original character is Anoke, but he is too over the top.  Are we expected to believe a narcissistic celebrity could rise to leadership in the future?  And secretly be in alliance with the enemy?  Hey, wait a minute…    Van Dien does bring the juice as all that acting since the original has made him a master thespian.  How they managed to afford him is a wonder.  Although my summary leaves the impression that the movie is action-packed, that’s because I left out all the political shenanigans going on between off-planet scenes.  This subplot actually adds some depth to what would otherwise be another “Starship Troopers 2”.  There is definitely a commendable effort to get back to the originals snarky vibe.  For instance, by the end of the film, the new leader has reversed the policy on religion and is now encouraging it.  But as a “opiate of the masses”.  The satirical stuff takes away time from the action scenes which was a questionable decision because the target audience does not get satire well.  However, if you are an intellectual, you will enjoy the news reports.  They are more numerous and funnier than in the original (ST2 had none).  But people don’t watch this for the biting political satire. They come for the bug killing..  The movie delivers when it is not in one of its long boring stretches. It does not veer into combat porn.  Weirdly, some of the action scenes are cut short, like the assault on Raku San.  And by the way, that scene has the only appearance of the scorpion.  Boo!  The violence is gory.  I counted five beheadings and this does not count head explodings. 

 

GRADE  =  C