LIVE: The Last Grenade (1970)

 

Somewhere in Africa  //  Stanley Baker has sure fallen on hard times and I’m not talking about his character  //  chopper arrives to rescue a motley band of mercenaries;  a hippie in the chopper opens fire;  “That bastard shot us.”;  the door gunner cackles, everything he shoots crackles;  conveniently located oil silos blow up;  this dude is named Thompson (as in machine gun) and he is played by Alex Cord on speed  //  the credits tell us this movie includes Richard Attenborough, Rafer Johnson, and Honor Blackman!  I had no idea it was an all-star epic  //  it’s based on a novel!  //  after his entire command is slaughtered by his ex-buddy, Grigsby (Baker) is tasked with eliminating Thompson (Cord) in your typical mercenary movie plot  //  Grigsby assembles a motley crew of four -  let the stalking begin  //  they go hunting with Grigsby in camo and Jackson (Rafer Johnson) wearing a bright red hat  //  Grigsby:  “Keep your head down.”  Jackson:  “I got all the holes I can use.”;  soon after, Thompson puts more holes in him than he can use -  damn, he didn’t have the same agent Jefferson of “The Dirty Dozen” had  //  Thompson has his own guerrilla army, like Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now” – a movie that this movie should not be mentioned with, sorry;  now that I think about it, if Brando had acted like Cord, that last act of AN would have been a lot better  //  Grigsby is captured, but he escapes while Thompson is feeding ducks and then shooting them with a sling shot  //  Grigsby and his surviving trio return to civilization to extend the length of the movie  //  for attempt #2, Grigsby brings a guide who looks like he has one foot in the ground  //  they stalk again;  they find an empty camp and decide to wait – inside!  with no security!  they boobytrap the dead guide because there are no oil siloes;  the idea of spreading dead guide all over the camp succeeds, but the ambush doesn’t, so it’s back to civilization for Grigsby to bed a general’s (Attenborough) wife (Blackman)  //  after a romantic weekend that includes a horseback ride, Grigsby is refreshed (if you know what I mean);  meanwhile his trio are visited in a bar by Thompson eating an ice cream cone and dressed groovy, man;  he kills one of them and melts back into the jungle  //  Grigsby decides he is going to settle down with Kate, so the movie is over… but wait, Kate and the general are ambushed by Thompson and Kate is killed -  “Your move, Harry”  //  attempt #3 -  Grigsby is having montage flashbacks in case we are too drunk at this point to remember key plot developments  // he walks smack into an ambush (this movie should have been called “Ambushes”), but even though he is killed we get to find out why it is called “The Last Grenade” -  how do you say “oh, shit” in hippie?

“The Last Grenade” was directed by Gordon Flemyng, who you might remember from “Daleks’ Invasion of Earth 2150 A.D.”, if so I pity you.  It is based on the novel “The Ordeal of Major Grigsby” and was almost entitled “Grigsby” but they were afraid of being sued by all the people named Grigsby.  Although the cast is better than normal, it seems like a macaroni war movie, especially with the title.  The actors do class it up, although Cord chews so much jungle scenery he must have remained regular for the rest of his life, which ended last week, RIP.  Baker seems in the “paycheck, please” phase of his career and clearly is trying to make enough money to afford a toupee.  Blackman is there for obvious reasons, but sorry fellas, you’ll only see lingerie.  The love affair is ridiculous and there is no chemistry between the actors.   As far as Attenborough, I can only guess he was hoping to get directing lessons from Flemyng.  The movie does not have the action the opening teases.  I doesn’t help that every time the Dirty Four go hunting, they crawl back and lick their wounds.  They have to do this because Grigsby is a poor leader.  How poor?  The only way he can get Thompson is to booby trap himself. 

GRADE  =  D