LIVE: Navy SEALs (1990)

 

            “Navy SEALs” was directed by Lewis Teague (after Ridley Scott turned it down).  It was based on a story by ex-SEAL Chuck Prarrer who helped write the screenplay.  The screenplay underwent numerous rewrites.  The actors were put through a two-week boot camp by ex-SEALs.  It looks like they were taught how to shoot from the hip because there is a lot of that in the movie.  Much of the film was done in Spain with the cooperation of the Spanish military.  The U.S. Navy gave limited cooperation due elements like finishing off enemy wounded and the lack of discipline and teamwork exhibited by the unit in the script.  The movie was a modest success, making just $4 million over its budget of $21 million.  Here are my reflections as I watched it. 

            “America, fuck yea!” credits, and we’re off!  //  title card:  JFK created the SEALs in 1962 for counterterrorism  //  is that the USS Forrestal?  -  this must be footage that reflects the Navy’s limited cooperation  //  a burning tanker, a chopper gets hit by a gunboat -  “we have dead” -  cheap special effects  //  Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) wakes up drunk on a beach – no acting talent involved  //  Hawkins jumps out of a jeep crossing a bridge – character development!  //  Curran (Michael Biehn) is getting married when beepers go off -  bros before hos trope  //  some stereotyped jihadists are holding hostages;  the team breaks in and blows them away;  they don’t kill the villain because he plays innocent;  their sniper Dane (Bill Paxton) can shoot through walls!  // cheesy dialogue:  “I hope you paid your gas bill” as Hawkins throws a grenade at gas tanks  //  pulsing electronic music  //  post-op interviews featuring more cheesy dialogue  //  Curran is reamed for not blowing up a warehouse full of Stinger missiles -  did you seriously pass up the opportunity for a huge explosion in a movie?!!!  //  hijinks at a golf course to avoid plagiarizing the volleyball scene from “Top Gun”;  a cover band plays “The Boys Are Back in Town”  //  Hawkins’ car gets towed so he chases on a bike and drives his car off the trailer  //  those missiles are on a ship and they have to get them;  they travel in a sub  // the rubber boats ingress scene  //  no missiles!  //  Curran makes a love connection with a hot reporter (Joanne Whalley Kilmer – Val’s wife at the time) who is an expert on terrorism (another “Top Gun” crib)  //  SEAL training montage that looks like a commercial for joining the SEALs  //  Hawkins makes a move on the reporter  -  he’s obnoxious and racist and thinks she will sleep with him;  Curran is not upset  WTF  //  mission:  capture a CIA informant  //  paradrop -  one parachute malfunction, but he’s okay!  swim to shore;  Hawkins initiates contact which results in Graham’s (Dennis Haysbert) death  -  redemption arc initiated  // funeral which is actually good for recruiting because if you do get killed, you get a kick-ass funeral from a “grateful nation”  // obligatory bar fight scene  //  Claire comforts Curran to sappy romantic music  // mission: those pesky missiles are in a school in Beirut  //  Beirut looks like Stalingrad as far as rubble is concerned -  “the asshole of misery”  //  they find the missiles easily, but the clock is ticking for the submarine egress  //  they blow up the school  //  Hawkins rescues the wounded Curran;  the villain is chasing;  they take a car and are chased by an armored car -  ridiculous, but fun  // they run into the water, suddenly they have flippers on;  the villain comes at them in a boat -  they blow it up;  Hawkins wrestles with him underwater  // the sub, which had left, returns for no good reason and picks them up  //  “America, fuck yea!” 

            “Navy SEALs” is not as terrible as I expected.  After all, it has Michael Biehn in it.  Oh, and Charlie Sheen.  Those two don’t make it a good movie, but they do make it watchable.  Especially if there is alcohol involved.  Actually, the cast is not bad.  Only Hawkins gets any development and that was unnecessary because everyone would have known Sheen was playing Sheen.  Considering the cast, the acting is mediocre.  They may have gone through a two-week boot camp, but they still look like they are playing army man.  The real SEALs did a better job acting in “Act of Valor” than these professional actors.  There is a perfunctory love triangle, but this a guy movie and Kilmer is not hot enough for me to have cared.  The movie does not even bother with the usual dysfunction between comrades chasing the same woman.  Not that it avoids all cliches and stereotypes, but I did not expect it to be ground-breaking.  The soundtrack is terrible and this is one area that doesn’t try to channel “Top Gun”.  The action is generic and is done better on the small screen by the TV series “SEAL Team Six”.

            In conclusion, “Navy SEALs” is a trifle that will efficiently waste some time if you have some to spare.  It’s got a lot of action and even some laughs, of the unintentional variety.  Just be aware that if you decide to join the SEALs (which some have because of this movie),  they are not actually looking for Charlie Sheen types.  They are not really open to rogue warriors and men who question orders.  This movie is not a documentary. 

GRADE  =  C-