WAR HORROR MOVIE: Dead Snow (2009)

 

               “Dead Snow” is a Norwegian film directed by Tommy Wirkola. He co-wrote the screenplay. When he was developing a script he asked the question “What’s more evil than zombies?” His answer was Nazi-zombies. He put himself in the movie as one of the zombies.

            The movie opens with the Nutcracker Suite over the credits. Humor established. A young woman is chased through a snowy wilderness and it does not end well. Four guys and three gals are on Easter vacation which they plan to spend doing young adult stuff at a lone cabin without cell phone coverage. You’ve seen this scenario before. And these characters. The males are a hunk, a fat class clown, a nerd, and a sex maniac. The fat guy supposedly is a horror movie fanatic and yet the situation does not cause him any foreboding. Those are just movies, right? A grizzled old coot shows up to tell them the tale of a German occupiers in WWII who were uber Nazi war criminals that were chased into the wilderness at the end of the war. They left with a lot of loot. Naturally, our septet is unimpressed with the legend. What do they need to worry about, they are in a cabin with doors that lock. Unlike their tale-teller who is camping out in a tent. Warn yourself, buddy. The zombies need a reason to target the springbreakers. Oops, they discover a treasure box of gold coins and jewelry. They can pay off their enormous student debt. If they live to spend it.

            Let the whittling begin. Who will survive? It’s not who, it’s how. Keep telling yourself the deaths are supposed to be humorous. It will make the movie more entertaining. The Nazi bait go through the standard cabin assault, but it then puts them outside in several groups. Surprisingly, although the cabin scenes are at night, the rest of the mayhem occurs in daylight.The film intercuts between the groups. There will be a lot of running through the snow. And a lot of red snow. As in every good slasher film, the killing escalates with a variety of gore. No death is the same. Much of it tongue in cheek. If you laugh at a woman hanging over a cliff grasping the entrail of a zombie, this movie is for you. Or if you like a showdown between zombies and three dudes wielding a sledgehammer, chain saw, and a machine gun mounted on a snowmobile. All in good fun.

            “Dead Snow” is a fun movie, if you can stomach it. It is very gory, but it ramps up gradually so you can adjust. Or so you can anticipate the next hilarious death. There is a high corpse count as there are plenty of Nazis and they are relatively easy to kill. Since they are not traditional zombies, you don’t need only head shots. They are actually zombie draug. A draug was a Norse mythological undead who guarded a treasure. Oddly, the movie mentions the “don’t get bitten” rule, but then it does not enforce it. We don’t learn how the Nazis became zombies.

            The movie is competently done. It does not have a low budget feel, although it did have a low budget. The makeup people did a great job on the zombies. They look ghoulish. And a shout-out to whoever was in charge of the gore effects. The non-ghoul actors are fine. Although stereotypes, the characters are appealing. If not for the humorous vibe, the deaths would be wrenching. None of them deserve to die. Even the pair who have sex in an outhouse. Instead it’s “ha ha”, did you see that guy get torn apart by zombies?! I watched a subtitled version, but it seems to have a kick-ass soundtrack of Nordic rock.

            If you want a good scare to get you ready for Halloween, this movie will not get your heart racing. There is only one jump scare, but seven laugh out loud moments. Hope you hate yourself for laughing.

GRADE  =  B

 

The People That Time Forgot (1977)

I don't think this movie is a war movie, but I read the book and watched the movie to do this review for my brother and I've decided to drop it here also.     

          With the success of “The Land That Time Forgot” (1975), Amicus Productions went on to its sequel.  It was the last move the British production company ever made.  The film brought back Land’s director Kevin Connor, but only Doug McClure from the original cast.  McClure made “At the Earth’s Core” in between.  “People”  features the same cheesy effects and simplification of the Edgar Rice Burrough’s plot as “Land”.. 

               The movie picks up where “Land’ left off with Bowen having stayed with Lisa on the island of Caprona.  A Major Ben McBride (Patrick Wayne, his father not being available) has outfitted an expedition to find his friend.  He has included the feisty photographer Lady Charlotte Cunnigham (Sarah Douglas, before appearing in “Superman” and “Superman II”).  She’s a feminist and he isn’t.  They fly off into the interior with a paleontologist named Norfolk (Thorley Walters) and a gunner/mechanic named Hogan (Shane Rimmer).  In a shocking example of effects critics be damned, a pterodactyl reappears in the sequel.  In a hilarious scene, the plane dogfights with the beast.  This results in the plane going down and in need of repairs.  While Hogan fixes it, the trio sets out to look for Bowen.  In one of the great entrances in B-movie history, they encounter Ajor (pop singer Dana Gillespie) and her cleavage as she escapes from a T Rex.  At this point, male viewers will forget Lady Charlotte is still in the film.  Ajor knows Bowen (who conveniently taught her English) and guides them to where he is being held captive.  The place is the Mountain of Skulls (it’s only a model) where the requisite sacrifice-consuming volcano is located.  Along the way, they will encounter dinosaurs, Samurai warriors, and a Jaba the Hut type villain.  The rescue of Bowen features a slapstick sword fight marked by Norfolk doing one of those circling the sword blade to make your opponent dizzy moves.  They are chased by the samurai through a landscape belching flame.  It looks like Tim the Enchanter showing off.

               “The People That Time Forgot” is a camp classic.  Some parts and effects are so ridiculous, they must have been kidding, right?  It is proudly low budget.  The makeup department was short-changed, although there was enough mist to keep Gillespie’s cleavage sweaty and whoever designed her costume deserves kudos.  (Special recognition to Patrick Wayne for keeping his eyes on Ajor’s face.)  She is the main reason for watching the movie, if you are male.  The costumes for the Narga warriors were apparently left over from a Kurosawa film.  If so, that was the only connection to him.  The effects are laughable, but the actors manage to keep a straight face.  Unfortunately, the biggest weakness of the film is the lack of dinosaurs.  This movie needed more pterodactyls!  The ensemble is fine and gets juiced when McClure appears towards the end.  Surprisingly, the movie stays firmly in the action genre as it eschews the expected romance angle.  The verbal sparring between Lady Charlotte and the male chauvinist McBride is kind of fun.  She is not offended that he is more interested in a cave woman than her.  “A genuine cave girl – she’ll suit you perfectly.”   I’ll leave it to ERB fans to argue that the movie influenced “Princess Bride” (rodents of unusual size and the Fire Swamp) and “Empire Strikes Back” (the dungeon Billings and Bowen are thrown in).  Probably a coincidence. 

               How close does it parallel the book?  Not much.  Burroughs starts the novel with Tyler’s manuscript which he tossed in the ocean at the end of the first novel.  His friend named Billings organizes an expedition to rescue him.  Billings flies alone into the interior and crashes due to a pterodactyl attack.  He meets the beautiful and scantily clad Ajor.  She does not speak English.  In their quest to find Bowen, they encounter more animals (not dinosaurs) and various tribes.  The movie does not bother with ERB’s imaginative rendering of a continent that is marked by geographical evolution.  The deeper into the continent, the more evolved the tribes Billings and Ajor encounter are.  And each is noted for its weapon of choice (e.g., club-men, hatchet-men, spearmen).  It’s all typical ERB pulp science fiction nonsense, but fun stuff.  In John Carter, he located his mockery of science on another planet.  In this case, this evolution that would make Darwin chuckle is on an island on Earth!  The movie does not even allude to Ajor being a special being who can have children!  That’s significant because virtually all inhabitants are adults.  This is mainly an excuse to get Billings and Ajor into several rescue situations.  And encounters with fiendish villains and heroic allies.

               I like to watch a movie before reading the book it is based on.  That’s what I did this time, anticipating that the book would flesh out the story by providing additional details.  In this case, that did not really happen because about the only thing the two have in common is the title and the locale.  Oh, and Ajor.  The movie is worth the watch just for the fun of it, but don’t use it to write your book report. 

GRADE  =  C

Soldiers of Fortune (2012)

 

               “Soldiers of Fortune” is supposedly a parody of action films.  It was directed by Maxim Kordstysheusky.  It has been his only movie.  Let that sink in.  It was filmed in the Ukraine.  The shoot was difficult and I’m sure the actors were not assuaged by the $34,000 box office.

               The movie opens in Afghanistan in 2008.  A special ops team is sent in to locate a Taliban weapons cache.  Capt. Reed (Freddy Rodriguez) goes in disguised as a woman.  When his cover is blown, his partner Capt. MacCenzie (Christian Slater) rescues him Rambo-style from the clutches of a rogue CIA agent named Mason (Colm Meaney).  In a taste of things to come, MacCenzie throws one grenade that creates enough collateral explosions to be in a Michael Bey movie.  Years later, MacCenzie and Reed are down on their luck and are hired to aid rebels in overthrowing a tinpot dictator on an island.  The classic banana republican has Mason as his security chief and an evil daughter named Lupo.  Our duo will need a team, so they are shipped off to a mercenary fantasy camp.  They are all disgusting millionaires.  St. John (Sean Bean) is a playboy, Hausmann (James Cromwell) is a Trump parody, Tourneur (Ving Rhames) is an arms dealer, and Sin (Dominic Monaghan) is a video game maker.  After training, they are off to the island where they link up with the rebel group and the supposedly hilarious combat porn begins. 

               It is hard to review this movie.  I am suspicious that it was not intended to be a parody, but when audiences first groaned, it was quickly labeled as such.  Uh, yeah, it was supposed to be funny.  Of course.  Unfortunately, I kept that in mind as I watched and I did not laugh once.  Neither do the actors, they apparently were told the movie was serious.  No winking at the camera.  You do have to give them credit for not slumming.  It’s a good cast and they are all in.  As combat porn, it comes up short as it is graphic, but not excessive.  If it is a serious film, it is terrible.  If it is a parody, it is just forgettable.

GRADE =  D

Wil (2023)

 

          “Wil” is a Dutch film that deals with the role of Dutch police during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. The main character is Wilfred Wils (Stef Aerts). He narrates as the film flashes back to WWII. He forewarns the viewer by asking us to not judge him. It’s 1942 in Antwerp and Wil is a rookie cop. An evil German forces him to take him to a Jewish family. When he and his partner step in to save the mother and daughter, the German is killed. Oops. It’s a provocative start to a movie that focuses on the difficult line humane Dutch policeman had walk to please their German masters and yet not be traitors to their nation. The central plot will be the investigation to find out who killed the German. Wil and his friend do not go into hiding. They continue their job while hiding the Jewish family. It’s remarkably brave act, especially since Wil is an obvious suspect and does many stupid things that should have prevented flashing back to the war from comfortable old age. For instance, his mentor is a man who turns out to be anti-Jewish. Wil is not a good judge of character. He has an affair with an unstable woman.

As far as the rounding up of Jews, the film is willing to show that many Dutch were anti-semitic and some even aided in the Holocaust. There is a scene where a Dutch audience leaves a showing of a anti-Jewish film to head for the synagogue. It is also not above depicting Dutchmen who collaborated. Wil might have saved the Jewish mother and daughter, but he ends up collaborating and participates in round-ups.

This is not the first movie that deals with Dutch resistance and collaboration. It is a bit different because it concentrates on one individual. Unfortunately, the main character is too inconsistent in his actions. Is he supposed to be a hero or a villain? I know some will say he represents good men who were forced to do bad things, but few Dutch were both resistance members and collaborators. Most picked a side. Wil does not. Other characters are poorly drawn. The evil Nazi’s actions make no sense. He overlooks Wil’s clear guilt and instead tortures Wil’s boss. The showy cinematography, which includes lots of circular filming, adds to the weird vibe the movie gives off. I know many critics will praise it, but it is not a good war movie and not a good Holocaust movie.

 

GRADE  =  C