Also known as “The Panzer Battalion”, “Battle of the Last Panzer” is a Spanish/Italian production directed by Jose Luis Merino. The movie leads with the quote: “As long as there are two men left on Earth, there will be war.” That’s pretty deep for a macaroni combat movie, but don’t be fooled into thinking this movie has something to say. It is set in WWII France. A German tank crew gets trapped in no man's land and endeavors to return to their own lines. It's a chase film as the obligatory has-been American "star" (Guy Madison) is on their trail. There is also the obligatory female to tease the male audience. Jeanette (Erna Schurer) is a French lukewarmie who is forced to go along with the Germans as a guide. She’s in that hot tank with those sexy legs, but it’s the tank commander who is shirtless. Boo! This all devolves to a tank duel.
The movie is surprisingly not terrible. The acting is actually a tad above average for this subgenre. There is not much tank action, so don't let the title fool you. And the final duel is hilarious. But that is the only LOL moment as the dialogue is not unintentionally funny. Well, there is this line: “Here comes Hitler and his little friends wearing their Tiger costumes.” In case you are wondering, the tank used is not a Tiger. It all makes no sense, naturally. The combat shows some verve. There is a night firefight where you can tell what the hell is happening. Later, there is a surreal combat scene involving a fight with the resistance. The combat choreography is shoddy. At one point two tanks can’t hit each other from ten yards away. The tank’s machine gun fires continuously for five minutes. The tank crew never reloads. This movie will make tank rivet counters go mental. Hey, it’s not a documentary! It’s barely a movie.
GRADE = D
