INCHON (1981)

 

                       “Inchon” is generally considered the biggest box office bomb of all time and also considered to be the worst war movie ever made. It won Golden Raspberries for Worst Picture, Actor (Laurence Olivier), Director, and Screenplay. It has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes which makes it the only major war movie to achieve that low score. It has a 2.9 on IMDB.  It was famously financed by Sun Myung Moon, founder of the Unification Church. He’s the guy who would marry thousands at a time. He thought about doing a movie about Elvis or Jesus, but psychic Jeanne Dixon talked with the deceased Douglas MacArthur and he urged a biopic be made about him. Moon liked the idea because MacArthur “loved God and loved people.” He fought against tyranny and communism. Moon demanded three love stories. One with two Americans, one with two Koreans, and one with an American and a Korean. The movie cost $46 million (the original budget was $18 million), which was a huge sum back then. It made less than $2 million.(This would be equivalent to costing $150 million and making $17 million today.) At the time, it was the biggest money-loser in history. It was directed by Terence Young, who made the first four James Bond movies. He also directed some war movies: “The Red Beret” and “Triple Cross”. He filmed in South Korea, California, Italy, Ireland, and Japan. The shoot was difficult with a typhoon destroying the lighthouse that is central to the invasion of Inchon. David Janssen died during the shooting and expensive reshoots had to be done.  Some of the reshoots were done by Sun Myung Moon himself with disastrous results. He was credited as a “special adviser”. Star Laurence Olivier was 72-years-old and he was not in the best of health. Makeup took 2 ½ hours. Olivier deserves credit for watching many recordings of MacArthur to get his accent down pat. Embarrassingly, the movie includes part of MacArthur’s “Old Soldiers” speech in which he sounds very different from Olivier’s attempt. He was candid about why he took the role. He did it to get money for his heirs. He was paid $1 million which came to $50,000 per day. When the shoot overran, he demanded his bonus salary be delivered to the set in a suitcase by a helicopter. I hope his heirs appreciated it because it was a very difficult shoot for him as he suffered from heat stroke and exhaustion. He had to rest between takes. The US Department of Defense provided 1,500 soldiers and Marines as extras. It allowed filming on a US Navy ship. However, the DoD demanded that its cooperation be removed from the credits when it saw the inaccuracy of the movie.

                       The movie starts with a disclaimer: “This is not a documentary. The screenwriters have used historical license.”  Thanks for the honesty and why don’t more war movies do this? A narrator describes the situation in Korea after WWII. (To prove the screenwriter were truthful about disregarding historical facts, WWII is called “the war to end all wars.”) A map is overlaid with combat footage. The background is good and it emphasizes Soviet military support for North Korea. Then we are immediately in a battle with lots of tanks and hordes of commie infantry. Barbara Hallsworth (Jacqueline Bisset) is the wife of a major (Ben Gazzara). She gets caught up in the stream of refugees fleeing invading North Koreans. Along the way, she picks up some orphans who are sooo cute. Frank Hallsworth’s affair with a South Korean is interrupted by the crisis. He heads north to find his wife. He is accompanied by Sergeant Augustus Henderson (Richard Roundtree). Meanwhile, Gen. MacArthur learns of the invasion and realizes he is the only one that can save South Korea. In one scene, he stands next to a bust of Julius Caesar. Subtle. In this small world, David Feld (David Janssen) is a cynical journalist (like he was in “The Green Berets”). (Has there ever been an uncynical journalist in an American war movie?) These characters have a destiny destination called Inchon. That date with history will be the capture of a lighthouse that is crucial to the success of the landing. And a great opportunity to reunite Hallsworth with his Korean girlfriend and her father! It’s hairy, but God is with MacArthur and America. We win and this time they do the running. The End. Don’t worry about the next two years.

                       Let me lead my critique by stating that “Inchon” is not the worst war movie I have ever seen. That does not mean it’s a good movie. It has numerous weaknesses. The plot is choppy with some scenes leading nowhere. The movie jumps several months to get to the invasion and yet, the main characters are still in the same places. There are several cliches. Hallsworth is torn between loyalty to his wife and love of his girlfriend. As usual, the love triangle is solved by killing off one them.  The characters are all stock. The Feld character is only mildly critical of MacArthur and is given little to do. Janssen did not go out in a blaze of glory. The action scenes are poorly done combat porn. Lots of tanks and lots of explosions. This is a loud movie. And several massacres and strafings of civilians because commies are bad. As per war movie rules, no one is just wounded. The deaths are from the somersault school of overdying. Jerry Goldsmith did the soundtrack. The music is pompous, although commended by some and it was released as an album.

                       It is clear the movie was just a money grab for all the stars. Their performances are wooden, especially Olivier who is creepy as MacArthur. (He was 74 at the time of the shooting. MacArthur was 71.) Gregory Peck was much better in “MacArthur”. Richard Roundtree was thrown in just to have an African-American character.

                       The movie is not the propaganda you would expect. The communists are not demonized. There is a villainous North Korean officer, but he is just thrown in because that box needed to be checked. There is not a lot of anti-communism talk. The movie is more pro-Christian tban anti-communism. MacArthur prays and at one point proclaims “God wills it!” Just like Pope Urban II before the Crusades. The moments where religion rises up are ridiculous.

                       I’m not going to go into detail on the historical inaccuracies. After all, the movie admits it’s not accurate. The movie floats along with some minor flubs and it does give a trite feel for the chaos at the beginning of the war. The role of Russian tanks is a theme that is fairly realistic. And it does have a good scene where MacArthur makes his case for the risky Inchon invasion. But the movie limps towards one of the most ludicrous finales in war movie history. I have no idea who thought up the lighthouse idea, but he deserves a special Razzie Award. Spoiler alert: Hallsworth and Henderson go on a commando raid to take the lighthouse. That light is crucial to the success of the invasion. They do this easily with the help of Hallsworth’s Korean girlfriend. A problem arises when it is discovered that there are mines in the harbor. The girlfriend’s father gets in a boat, connects the mines by a wire and then sets them off! Hilarious. Then there is a hip-shooting firefight as the North Koreans try to take back the lighthouse. The light goes out. MacArthur has to call off the invasion. He gives a long speech taking responsibility for the failure. The speech is long enough for God to intervene and turn the light back on. God blessed MacArthur! We get an impressive number of landing craft and amphtracs, and they aren’t cardboard cutouts. Here come our tanks! Tables turned. Look at them run this time. The movie ends before MacArthur tarnishes his reputation with his boneheaded handling of the Chinese intervention. I guess we’ll never get that sequel.

                       In conclusion, “Inchon” is far from being the worst war movie ever made. It is not laugh out loud funny as the dialogue is not atrocious and the stars do not overact. Other than the lighthouse, it is not atrociously inaccurate. It is not in “Braveheart” territory. It was hard to find, but you can now watch it on YouTube. I won’t warn you against doing that. However, I will warn you that you won’t get those 137 minutes back.

GRADE  =  D