“Soldiers of Fortune” is
supposedly a parody of action films. It
was directed by Maxim Kordstysheusky. It
has been his only movie. Let that sink
in. It was filmed in the Ukraine. The shoot was difficult and I’m sure the
actors were not assuaged by the $34,000 box office.
The movie opens in Afghanistan in
2008. A special ops team is sent in to
locate a Taliban weapons cache. Capt.
Reed (Freddy Rodriguez) goes in disguised as a woman. When his cover is blown, his partner Capt.
MacCenzie (Christian Slater) rescues him Rambo-style from the clutches of a
rogue CIA agent named Mason (Colm Meaney).
In a taste of things to come, MacCenzie throws one grenade that creates
enough collateral explosions to be in a Michael Bey movie. Years later, MacCenzie and Reed are down on
their luck and are hired to aid rebels in overthrowing a tinpot dictator on an
island. The classic banana republican
has Mason as his security chief and an evil daughter named Lupo. Our duo will need a team, so they are shipped
off to a mercenary fantasy camp. They
are all disgusting millionaires. St.
John (Sean Bean) is a playboy, Hausmann (James Cromwell) is a Trump parody,
Tourneur (Ving Rhames) is an arms dealer, and Sin (Dominic Monaghan) is a video
game maker. After training, they are off
to the island where they link up with the rebel group and the supposedly
hilarious combat porn begins.
It is hard to review this
movie. I am suspicious that it was not
intended to be a parody, but when audiences first groaned, it was quickly
labeled as such. Uh, yeah, it was supposed
to be funny. Of course. Unfortunately, I kept that in mind as I
watched and I did not laugh once.
Neither do the actors, they apparently were told the movie was
serious. No winking at the camera. You do have to give them credit for not
slumming. It’s a good cast and they are
all in. As combat porn, it comes up
short as it is graphic, but not excessive.
If it is a serious film, it is terrible.
If it is a parody, it is just forgettable.
GRADE = D
