Medieval (2022)

 

            “Medieval” is the most expensive Czech movie ever made.  It was directed by Petr Jaki.  His last movie had been seven years earlier.  He co-wrote the screenplay.  He wanted to explore a different period of Jan Zizka’s life. Being one of the greatest Czech heroes, there were already films of his life as one of the greatest generals in history.  He never lost a battle and he was a tactical genius.  The goal of the movie was to show how he got there.  The advantage Jaki had in his approach is little is known of Zizka’s early days.  This allowed Jaki to sleep at night as he crafted a medieval thriller with plenty of killing, political scheming, and romance.

            The narrative begins after the death of Charles IV.  He was both Holy Roman Empire and King of Bohemia, which means his succession was going to be disputed.  His official heir was his son Wenceslas IV.  Unfortunately, as often happened when you based your leader on whose womb they came out of, Wenceslas was a weak ruler.  He’s automatically the king because he is the oldest son, but the real power is held by Henry of Rosenburg (Til Schweiger).  To add to the chaos, the Pope and the French king balk at him being Holy Roman Emperor.  The movie begins in 1402 Italy.  Jan is the leader of a merry band of mercenaries.  They save the only good noble in the film, Lord Boresh (Michael Caine), in a combat porn battle that proves Jan is in command of his band because he is the best killer among good killers.  If you keep count, that is 20 splatter fodder and one expendable to prove the fight was fair.  We learn it was an assassination attempt by the evil Rosenburg.  Zizka and crew are hired to kidnap Rosenburg’s fiancé Katherine.  Before they pull that off, Jan visits his brother who is a lowly, but hardworking farmer.  He hasn’t seen his brother in years and apparently stops by to put a target on his brother.  Sorry, spoiler alert.  Just kidding.  Your dead meat beeper will be going off.  Do I seriously need to spoiler alert about the relationship arc of Jan and Katherine?  This is the spoiler alert you really need.  There is no nudity.  But there is plenty of violence and a kick-ass battle that introduces us to Zizka’s famous war wagons!  And we find out Jaki’s theory on how he lost his eye.  That’s right, Ben Foster in an eye-patch.  But I digress.  It’s a roller coaster ride that includes the maggot cure, sawing a head off, crows pecking at bodies, war dogs, and flails.  Oh, wait, did I mention the lion in the dungeon?  Or the fight under water? 

            I know my summary of the movie makes it sound like a lot of fun.  However, the plot is all over the place and stuffs too much ridiculously over the top mayhem.  It’s what I call a “14-year-old boy movie”.  It is combat porn with very gory effects.  You can not fault the movie for being redundant in it’s killing.  This seems to be the trend with our recent spate of medieval gorefests.  The director has a list of different ways a person can be killed in medieval warfare (or his imagined medieval warfare) and he checks off each as the movie rolls.  Impaled.  Check.  Head sawed off.  Check.

            It’s hard to determine how much of the story is based on actual events since little is known about this period of his life.  Historians believe he did participate in banditry, but whether he led a gang is unclear.  His name appears with regard to conflict with Henry of Rosenburg.  And later he is pardoned by Wenceslas.  We don’t know when or how he lost his life. We do know a lot more about him when he participated in the Hussite Wars.  The wagon scene in “Medieval” is a portent to his brilliant use of wagon forts in that war. 

The acting is a plus as the cast is good and they are able to go medieval effectively.  I am a big Ben Foster fan and he looks great in an eye patch.  The script lets him down.  Michael Caine gets a death scene, so that’s cred.  Unfortunately, he won’t be in the sequel.  I pray they will make a sequel because I want to see Zizka fighting in the Hussite Wars. Now that will be a great movie.  Until then you can enjoy this prequel.  Just don’t expect much, unless you like getting splattered.

 

GRADE  =  C