“The
Giant of Marathon” is an Italian “sword and sandals” (peplum) film. It was directed by Jacquest Tourneur who was famous for his “stylish and
atmospheric” films. He did a lot of B-movie horror films, the best being “Cat
People”. He also dabbled in film noir including the classic “Out of the Past”.
Some scenes had to be reshot by director Mario Brava because some extras were
smoking cigarettes in the background of scenes. The movie was a success at the
box office.
An
opening title card tells us Greece is divided between Sparta and Athens. Athens
is roiled by “internal conflict and treachery”. Bad timing because Persian
Emperor Darius has his sights set on Athens. Luckily, there is a hero
available. We meet Phillipides (Steve Reeves) as he dominates at the Olympic
games. He returns to Athens and is put in command of the Sacred Guard. He is in
charge of the defense of the city. He gets involved in a love triangle. Andromeda
(Mylene Demongeol) is betrothed to the treason-minded Theocritus (Sergio
Fantoni). He and Andromeda’s father are fans of the ousted tyrant Hippias. They
hope to enlist Phillipides in their plot to help Hippias return to power. Theocritus
sicks a femme fatale named Charis (Daniela Rocca) to seduce him. She falls in
love with him. Who wouldn’t? Now we have a love rectangle. All of this is just
killing time to the great battle. The Persians land outside Athens. Phillipides
is sent to Sparta on a horse to get their help. (The real Phillipides ran, but
Reeves is too muscle-bound to do that).
Here’s
how the famous battle is depicted (the italic stuff is accurate): The Persians bring their horses ashore on
rafts. They bring a giant drum with them. They catapult a skull at the Greek
army to indicate it’s battle time. They march forward led by five horsemen,
each leading a column. When the Persian cavalry attacks, it is met by arrows. The
Greeks have leaf-shaped spear heads and rectangular metal shields. The Persians
have odd -shaped metal shields. Miltiades orders his army forward from
horse-back. The Persian horses run into the Greek shield wall. They are
followed by chariots. The Greeks have set ditches as traps. The surviving
chariots run into the shield wall. A chaotic melee results with the Greeks
using swords. Phillipides arrives with Spartan reinforcements. Militiades sends
in his reserves. Phillipides fights from a horse. He and others roll boulders
down on the Persians. The battle ends before the Spartans can fight in it. The
Greeks win. (Note how accurate the battle is.)
In
reality, the defeat at Marathon caused Darius to return home, but the movie is
not done yet. The Persian fleet sails to Athens so the movie can provide a
similarly laughable rendering of the Battle of Salamis. It is actually more
hilarious, but I’ll let you decide for yourself. I will warn you that if you
thought the naval battle in the Colosseum in Gladiator 2 was ridiculous, it
does not hold a candle to this scene. Spoiler alert: the Greeks win this battle
too and Phillipides is the main reason. His duel with Theocritus is hilarious.
Needless
to say, you should not get your history from a sword and sandals movie, but
even by that subgenres low standards, this movie gets almost everything wrong.
And it’s not like there aren’t plenty of books about the Battles of Marathon
and Salamis. The historian Herodotus is famous for his love of a good story even
if it was questionable, but even he would not have swallowed what this movie is
depicting. But Hades, no one would watch this movie to write a term paper on
the battles. The movie was meant to be entertaining. It succeeds in that if you
are easily entertained or you are a big fan of muscle men. Reeves was a huge
star in Europe, mainly because he appealed to women. The guy was an absolute
hunk. There is a scene where he and other hulks swim bare-chested in tight
loin-clothes. You might want to have some smelling salts nearby if you watch
this movie with your wife or girlfriend. And you might want to have some
protection for your ribs because Ms. Demongeol is beautiful. The actress was a
huge star in France and a sex symbol in the 1950s and 1960s. Her career spanned
seven decades and over 100 movies.
The movie is unpredictable
because it is so inaccurate. I had no idea what was going to happen in battles that
I know a lot about. (I have written a novel about Marathon and am working on
one about Salamis. Trust me, this movie is not a source.) If you don’t take the
movie seriously, you will get some good laughs. Some of them will come from the
subtitles. I watched it on Tubi. The subtitles had a hard time with the names
of characters. Andromeda was spelled “Ramadan”, for instance.
“Jupiter’s
Darling” is an American movie that could be described as an historical musical
comedy. It was based on Robert Sherwood’s play “The Road to Rome” (1927). MGM
made the dubious decision to make the movie as an Esther Williams picture.
Williams had been a big star famous for swimming in her movies, but her career
was waning at this point. It ended up as one of only two flops she made for the
studio. It was not her fault because the concept was flawed from the beginning.
The shoot was a difficult one for the actress who was coming off a pregnancy.
She punctured an eardrum (for the fifth time) and had to limit her swimming. A
body double was used . It could have been worse. She refused to film a scene
where she jumps off a cliff on a horse. A stuntman volunteered to do it and
broke his back. Her co-star was Howard Keel who was a big star in musicals. He
had made several movies with Williams. George Sidney (“Anchors Aweigh”)
directed and went over budget so much (painted elephants were very expensive)
that the tepid box office resulted in a huge bomb.
The
movie features several historical characters, led by Hannibal (Keel). It is 216
B.C. Hannibal is the barbarian at the gates. Rome appoints a dictator named
Fabius Maximus (George Sander). His fiancé is the feisty Amytis (Williams). It
does not take long for her to hit the pool. Hunky statues swim with her and
cute baby Cupids. Welcome to the first choreographed swimming scene in a war
movie. Meanwhile, Hannibal is on the march with his elephants. He sings with
his men. Amytis and her slave girl go to spy on him and are captured. Their
relationship begins rockily as in every romance movie ever made. We get the
clicheish love triangle. Don’t bother guessing who Amytis ends up with. If you
can’t wait to find out, don’t go to a history book. This builds up to the
climactic assault on Rome. Here is how the movie depicts it (the facts are in
italics): Hannibal uses smoking chariots and elephants with battering rams. The
defenders use hot oil and fire ball catapults. Fabius hurls a white flag
javelin, but Amytis urges him to fight (this after she had told Hannibal about
a lose brick in the wall). He offers a huge amount of tribute if Hannibal
desists. He doesn’t want the money, he only wants Amytis. She decides to be a
patriot and go with him.
It’s
hard to believe that anyone was surprised that this movie failed. When I
finished it, I asked myself “what the fuck was that?” Well, at least it is
better than “Braveheart” and just as accurate. The movie has its charms. The
technicolor is vibrant and the sets are extravagant. Amytis has the best
swimming pool in Hollywood. Some of the songs are catchy and the actors are good
singers. There are ten songs in the movie. Unfortunately, when the singing ends
we are left to suffer from some truly bad acting. It should be said that as an
actress, Williams was a good swimmer. The dancing is fine, especially by the
elephants. If you want to see elephants wiggle their asses, this is the movie
for you. It is surprising that the movie has not developed cult status. It is
entertaining in a campy way. And if you know the actual history of Hannibal, it
is downright hilarious. In its defense, the
film is up front about its veracity. It leads off with “The history which
describes Hannibal’s attack on Romeis very confusing; this story will do
nothing to clear it up.” Before you say “no shit”, it is unlikely many people
who saw this in a theater knew much about Hannibal. But no one would have
thought Hannibal went swimming with an upper-class Roman woman.
So
which one of these campy extravaganzas is better? It depends on whether you are
a fan of “sand and sandals” or musical swimming. Both are terrible when it
comes to history. I would give the edge to “Giant” because it has Steve Reeves,
some dastardly villains, and two hot women. It has two set piece battles that
are astounding in their total lack of connection to the actual events. Everything
in “Jupiter’s Darling” is ridiculous.
GRADES = Giant = C
/ Jupiter’s = D