In Enemy Hands (2004)

 

 

                    “In Enemy Hands” is a WWII submarine movie directed by Tony Giglio, who also wrote it.  It was his second movie.  His first being “Soccer Dog”.  If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is.  It made $64,000 at the box office.  That sounds about right. 

                    This entry into the large submarine warfare subgenre attempts to be different by placing an American submarine in the Atlantic.  (“U-571” infamously placed one there so America could take credit for acquiring an Enigma machine.)  They were actually rare in that theater and duels with u-boats did not occur.  But this is Hollywood and it sure sounds like a winning formula.  The film opens with information about the Battle of the Atlantic.  Spoiler alert:  the Allies won.  But in 1942, the u-boats kicked ass.  Then in 1943, the Allies turned things around.  This brings to an end the factual part of the movie.  Unlike the far superior “The Enemy Below”, this duel is between two subs instead of a destroyer and a sub.  U-429 is commanded by Kapitan Herdt (Til Schweiger).  We first see it undergoing a depth-charging.  Rivets pop and leaks abound.  Cliché alert!  In an ominous development for any viewer who cares about sub tactics, the sub immediately surfaces and sinks the destroyer.  I check my watch.  Meanwhile, its future foe the USS Swordfish is shaking down.  Capt. Sullivan (Scott Caan) and Chief of the Boat Sullivan (William H. Macy) put the crew through continuous drills ala “Run Silent, Run Deep”.  This leads to dysfunction in the crew ala every sub movie.  What follows starts laughable and escalates to ridiculous.  There is a scene where two subs sink each other in an underwater face-off.  Caan, Sullivan, and a few of the crew end up on the U-429.  One of them brings meningitis with him.  (I guess Donitz was right when he ordered his u-boat captains to not pick up victims of sinkings.)  So, technically there is not a monster on board, but …  The Americans will have to help the Germans after the disease wipes out most of the crew.  They decide to sail to America and give themselves up.  Along the way, we get the requisite mutiny and another underwater sub duel!  That makes one more than in the entire history of submarine warfare.

                    It amazes me that considering the size of the sub combat subgenre, there are so few good sub movies.  Even the acknowledged gold standard, “Das Boot”, is not a great movie.  Hollywood keeps trying because it loves the dynamic of placing men under stress in an underwater tube.  It’s the best way to get soap opera into a war movie.  Alpha males dealing with each other and the dangers of the silent service make for good entertainment.  Unfortunately, the subgenre is very susceptible to cliches that even the better movies find hard to avoid.  “In Enemy Hands” is not on the level of the all-inclusive “U-571”, but it does incorporate some of the hoariest, like rivets popping and dysfunction.  The problem with the movie is not cliches, however.  The problem is the movie is a mess. 

                    Its strength should have been its cast.  It is full of familiar faces and some of them have good reputations as actors, like Macy.  Surprisingly, the acting across the board is weak.  This may be due to the braindead script.  The trite dialogue must have been painful for respected actors to utter.  It is filled with ridiculous scenarios that even a person with no knowledge of submarine warfare would shake their head at.  I wasn’t just shaking my head, but pulling hair from it.  The movie insulted my intelligence.  For instance, WWII subs had no ability to attack each other underwater.  And yet, the movie does this twice.   The only time a submerged sub sank another submerged sub was on Feb. 9, 1945.  The U-864 developed engine problems which produced noises that were picked up by the hydrophone on the HMS Venturer.  It soon saw its snorkel.  The Venturer tracked the German, but as it waited for the u-boat to surface, the German discovered it was being tailed and took evasive action.  The British captain decided to fire a spread of four torpedoes at the approximate location of the u-boat.  The German captain ordered an emergency dive and turn.  The first three torpedoes missed, but the submarine had turned into the path of the fourth.  It went to the bottom with the whole crew.

                    Sub movies are common because they are not expensive to make.  The good ones are challenges for directors and cinematographers because of the confined nature of the set.  The more claustrophobic and cramped, the higher the quality of the movie.  The interiors on these subs are spacious and not crowded because they apparently could not afford extras.  The movie has a Tuesday Movie of the Week look to it.  It is distinctly low budget in its vibe.  It is basically a half-ass effort.

                    Although I am harsh on most sub movies, there are enough good ones to watch without having to waste 94 minutes of your life on this piece of debris.

 

GRADE  =  F