Zeppelin (1971)

                    “Zeppelin” is a British war movie that wanted to do for German airships what “Operation Cross Bow” did for German rockets.  It was directed by Etienne Perier in one of his few English-language films.  The movie used an impressive 37’ by 18’ model and a replica of the interior of an actual Zeppelin.  The producers had access to some of the fleet of aircraft that were used in “The Blue Max”.  Unfortunately, a S.E. replica crashed into a camera helicopter during shooting and five people were killed.

                    The movie is an espionage/action feature.  Geoffrey Richter-Douglas (Michael York) is a lieutenant in the British army.  He is having an affair with a female spy who proposes that he turn his coat because he has a lot of family back in Germany and he doesn’t really like England, right?  The sex is great, but Geoffrey rats her out to his superiors.  But wait, before we put this merit badge on your lapel, let’s think this out. Suppose you pretend that you are a traitor and infiltrate the German development of some war-winning weapon they are working on?  He’s game and since he’s Michael York he’s bound to be able to use seduction as a useful tool.  They stage his desertion so well that the Germans are totally convinced he is uberGerman.  He conveniently knows the Professor who is developing the Zeppelin.  And he has a conveniently seduction-worthy young wife named Erika (Elke Sommer, the Michael York of actresses).  The German allow this recent convert to kaiserdom full access to the facility.  Then they take him on their secret mission to, wait for it… steal the Magna Carta!  It’s never clearly explained how this will win the war, but apparent the entire British race will commit suicide if this sacred document is dragged through the streets of Berlin.  Or maybe they will withdraw from France in ransom for the return of the document.  It is being held in a Scottish castle and the Germans need Geoffrey as a guide.  Apparently no German who lived in Scotland before the war was available.  If only there is some way for Geoffrey to alert the British.  If only they would give him the run of the airship with no supervision.  Do you see where this is going?  Come for the Zeppelin scenes, stay for the stormtroopers storming the castle.

                    “Zeppelin” has its fans, but I am not one.  This is a terrible movie.  And I’m not talking terrible in a macaroni combat sort of way.  It’s not the budget or the low-rent cast that is to blame.  This was meant to be a major production and probably cost a lot to make.  The attention to the effects is half-ass.  Hell, that’s all we cared about!  The ridiculously insulting plot also lets the war movie fan down.  At least fans that want more than a giant blimp as the main draw.  It’s the kind of movie that starts with a silly premise and then the execution gets progressively worse.  It’s also the kind of movie that if you watch it with someone who just wants to be entertained, you can lose your friendship by pointing out all the plot holes in it.  But you must, channel that snark!  Here I’ll get you started.  After being worried about how many people were on board, why do they pick up a unit of stormtroopers?  I could go on, but I might end up giving away whether the Germans stole the Magna Carta and won WWI.

GRADE  =  F