Christmas Truce (2015)

 

                    It’s the holidays so everyone’s thoughts turn to war Christmas movies.  Well, mine do.  There aren’t that many of them and I’ve reviewed the most significant ones:  A Midnight Clear, Joyeux Noel,  Silent Night, and Battleground.  So, I went on Google to see if there were any I was missing.  It’s a pretty thin list and most of them are military movies more than war movies.  But one is set in the Battle of the Bulge, which happens to be the setting for all the big four except Joyeux Noel. 

                    The premise of Christmas Truce is that the German’s have launched the Ardennes Offensive and a Belgium town is back in German hands.  There is a question of whether they should hold their annual Christmas celebration.  Into this, four Allied soldiers fall when their transport plane is shot down.  In the first omen of what the movie is going to be like, the four land within ten yards of each other!  Realism is not going to be a strength of this movie.  Their mission is to blow up a bridge, but first they need shelter.  They find it in the home of Alina (Ali Liebert) and her mother.  Not that we need clues, but Alina and Capt. Myers (Craig Olegnik) are mooning at each other immediately.  And then they have a long dialogue scene that establishes that they are both literary (Myers is writing a book) and both know the language of love.  The title of the movie comes from an agreement between Myers and the German commander when the Germans capture two of the Americans, but Myers saves the German’s wife and child.  It is a ludicrous scene and started my uncontrolled chuckling for the rest of the movie.  It’s not a rom-com, it’s a rom-bomb.  I won’t spoil what happens, but I don’t have to because anyone can guess the rest.  Including the schmaltzy conclusion that wraps the movie is a nice Christmas bow.  On a box that you don’t need to shake because you know what’s inside.

                    Twenty minutes in, I told my wife that Hallmark must have let this script slip through its fingers.  Twenty minutes later, I realized why Hallmark passed on it.  It looks like a Hallmark movie, but it is worse.  The budget is actually lower.  They didn’t have to pay Candace Cameron Bure’s salary.  In fact, her salary could probably cover this entire cast.  They are sincere, too sincere.  The best I can say is my wife thought Olegnik was hot and he did take his shirt off in the trope of the girl spying her future beau with his shirt off.  This comes soon after he chops wood for her.  Jeez, get a room.  There’s also a local suitor (who looks about ten years older than Alina).  This is one weak love triangle.  Liebert is comely and she does have some chemistry with Olegnik.  Their dialogues, which are frequent, are not going to make you spit out your egg nog.  Instead, you’ll want to drink more (and add some liquor) because their intelligent discussions of Poe and Hemingway are swamped by a ridiculous plot that has Myers returning twice to Alina when he has a crucial mission to blow up a bridge.  I guess he expects the German panzers to wait for love. 

                    So, I watched it so you don’t have to.  You’re welcome.  However, I did enjoy it for its camp value.  Sometimes the unintentionally funny movies can leave you with a smile on your face.  It will certainly appeal to your significant other more than to a war movie fan, so you can get some brownie points.  Try to keep your snickering quiet.  And then go back to your man cave and watch “Black Hawk Down”.  It’s called cleansing.

 

GRADE  =  D-