MACARONI COMBAT #3: Desert Battle (1969)

               “Desert Battle” is an Italian WWII movie that does not feature a has-been American actor.  It stars the desert.  .  It is apparently taking place after the British have turned the tide at El Alamein.  The British plan to lay an extensive minefield to block the Afrika Korps. It is a setting for a fairly original plot.  At first, it leads you to believe that it is going to be about a mine laying detail.  Oh, great!  But wait, the screenwriter suddenly had a better idea and decided to plunk some of the mine-layers into the desert in no man’s land.  This being an Italian movie, the Brits immediately attempt to find a way to surrender.  They encounter a German light tank that is disabled and the two Germans propose a deal. They have fuel and supplies and the Brits have the jeep.  They agree to travel together and basically surrender to whichever side they encounter first.  If you think these adversaries will put aside their differences for common survival, you would be wrong.  It’s like cats and dogs traveling in the same pet taxi.  Actually, the acting would be better if it was cats and dogs.  What sets the movie apart from your typical micro-budget Italian war movie, is each of the characters gets to have a flashback for character development.  If truth be told, they are less for character development and more to get some hot Italian babes into the film.  Eventually, the small group gets broken up as the two officers go on ahead to try to reach help and the rest stay behind to be dysfunctional. This all culminates in a fairly large tank battle with real anachronistic tanks, not models.  I guess you could say the movie finishes strong.  If you manage to get that far.  Hell, just fast forward to it.  But then, you’ll miss the babes.  Ah, dilemmas.

               “Desert Battle” is not as bad as this synopsis implies.  It is one of the better spaghetti warfare movies, but that is not saying much.  The acting is serviceable and you don’t have to pity a famous American actor for being in it. The acting is not vomit-inducing and the dialogue is acceptably bland.  Although it won’t be viewed in any film school, the cinematography is not a factor.  The desert scenery helps.  The premise is interesting and the deaths are not predictable, other than that few, if any, will survive. The redemption and bonding cliches are toned down. Unfortunately, if you are looking for lots of action and ammo expenditure, you came to the wrong desert.  There are long stretches of desert and long stretches of boring exposition (really more of arguing).  There is little humor, intentional or otherwise.  The best laugh comes when during a flashback, a character looks out his window and we see footage of German soldiers marching in a parade.  The final tank battle is rousing in a low budget way.  They used real tanks (although not historically accurate, of course).  It is a bit hard to tell which side is which, but there are plenty of booms. The desert battle does not feature the hip-shooting, machine gun slaughtering of most Macaroni Combat films. f you love tanks, it’s a nice payoff for the mediocre plot that preceded it.

GRADE  =  D+