Officers (1971)

            “Officers” is a Soviet war film about the friendship of two Red Army officers over decades. The film war hops from the Russian Civil War to the Chinese Civil War to the Spanish Civil War to the Great Patriotic War. It was directed by Vladimir Rogovoy.

             Alexei (Georgi Yumatov) and Ivan (Vassily Lanovoy) meet when Alexei and his wife arrive at a frontier post. They strike up a comradeship and capture a mujahideen leader. They rescue Alexei’s wife when she is kidnapped. After the original posting, the movie concentrates on Alexei and his family. Their paths cross when Alexei is a military adviser to Mao’s forces in the Chinese Civil War and Ivan is undercover with the communists. Alexei is a tanker in the Spanish Civil War. His son Yegor becomes a decorated war hero in WWII and Alexei is honored as a Hero of the Soviet Union. Years after, the two friends meet again and both are generals. 

            With a plot covering four wars and multi-generations, you would think the movie would be a miniseries. Would you believe the opposite. It clocks in at 1 hour and 36 minutes! I have found no mention that it was heavily edited. This seems odd because there are scenes that are truncated and hint at much better scenes that were cut. There are huge time jumps that leave you wondering what is happening to Alexei and Ivan in the interims. For instance, what are they doing during WWI? There is a scene in the Chinese Civil War, and none in the Great War? That seems very odd to me. Perhaps Soviet audiences did not want to be reminded of that war, but nothing also from the Russian Civil War? The movie needed to be twice as long to do justice to the pair. Or to do justice to Ivan. The movie is the story of two men, but it is really the story of Alexei with occasional appearances by Ivan.  

            The movie is very overrated. The acting is average. There is very little action and it lacks suspense. Frankly, I found it boring. I am a big fan of Soviet war movies, but I do not consider this one to be an exemplary one. The frustrating thing is that it could have been much better.

GRADE  =  D

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT (1975)

                       “The Land That Time Forgot” was based on Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novel of 1918.  It was produced by Amicus Productions which was a competitor of Hammer Films.  One difference is Amicus tended to set its films in the present day as opposed to the gothic world of Hammer movies.  Amicus was most famous for its portmanteau horror films (several short films with a single theme), but it did some science fiction films, including several based on Burroughs books.  One was a sequel to this -  “The People That Time Forgot” (1977).  “Land” was directed by Kevin Conner.  He also helmed the sequel and “At the Earth’s Core”.  The movie did surprisingly well at the box office, but was not a hit with critics.

                       The movie opens with a message being thrown in the ocean and then we flashback to 1916.  A German u-boat sinks an American ship.  The movie makes a point to specify that the ship is American.  Bowen Tyler (Doug McClure) and Lisa (Susan Penhaligon) are in a lifeboat.  They link up with a boat carrying several crewmen who also survived.  Before anyone can even dream of eating raw sea gull, up pops the sub.  Conveniently, none of the submariners bother to come on deck until Tyler leads his men onto the conning tower.  They take over the ship in a nifty action scene.  The Germans manage to sabotage the radio, but any attempts to bamboozle these Americans will be fruitless because it just so happens Tyler’s family built it!  Tyler’s acumen allows him to sink a German supply ship (actually a model through a periscope).  They head for a friendly port in a temperate zone, so why the ice bergs?  And what’s that uncharted land mass?  The u-boat captain (John McEnery) recalls the story of an explorer who discovered a continent he called Caprona.  They have no choice but to come ashore, even though the terra incognita is distinctly hostile.  Hostile as in populated by dinosaurs and primitive humans.  They have to battle and kill a plesiosaur which begins the whittling down of the men (no need to worry about Lisa).  The Americans and the Germans agree to work together to survive.  And refine Caprona’s oil for fuel.  They will be aided by a collaborating cave man named Ahm (Bobby Parr) and helped by the fact that guns can kill dinosaurs and the natives.   It may not be a war movie, but it certainly has a lost patrol feel to it. 

                       The Burroughs’ estate had power over the script, so it had approval of the finished product.  Apparently, his descendants cared more about the story than the effects.  The movie used puppets and stop motion for the dinosaurs.  They look pretty cool … until they move.  (Whoever decided to include pterodactyls should have been stranded on an uncharted continent.)  And God forbid the dinosaurs appear in the same shot as the actors.  The movie did not aim for camp, but the fights with the monsters cross the border.  As inferior as the dinosaur effects are, the movie could have used more dino action.  The man-on-dino action is certainly preferable to the fisticuffs.  Not that the actors deserved to be eaten.  The cast is fairly decent and keeps a straight face.  And nice hair.  Panhaligon is lovely and McClure is manly and imperturbable.  It’s like he knows the man-eaters are fake.  Compared to other pulpy stories, the implausibilities are kept below average.  Don’t spend too much time thinking about the oil-refining.  But you might want to wonder why after encountering the plesiosaur, they settle down to eat some dino steaks and no one seems amazed about what they have been through that day!

                       As far as whether the estate got a decent treatment, the script is fairly good in lieu of Cliff Notes.  The framing device of the message in the thermos is from the book.  The characters are basically the same with Burroughs getting the blame for having Tyler being a u-boat savant.  The romance between Tyler and Lys takes center stage in the book and it’s a rocky road.  Lys is more of the classic damsel in distress and Tyler is her knight in shining armor.  Surprisingly, for a Saturday matinee creature feature aimed at kids, the movie scraps Tyler’s dog Nobs.  The Germans are more vile in the book, reflecting the 1918 publishing date.  The u-boat shells women and children, for instance.  Given the target audience, the screenwriters dilute Burroughs’ mumbo-jumbo about the evolutionary cycles that are taking place on Caprona.  Apparently, Ahm is in the least developed tribe, but during his lifetime he will go through stages that lead to being a Galu.  There aren’t just dinosaurs in the book as there are animals all along the evolutionary scale.  The book is better literature than the movie is film-making.  However, the movie has the benefit of providing closure.  It may be predictable, but at least we find out what happens to all the characters and the sub.      

GRADE =  C

You Natzy Spy (1940)

            The first actor to portray Hitler in a movie was Moe Howard of the Three Stooges. “You Natzy Spy” was made after Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator”, but released before it. The short begins with the disclaimer: “Any resemblance between the characters in this picture and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.” The Stooges underestimated themselves because their portrayals of Hitler, Goering, and Goebbels would not have fooled any audience members. It was their 44^th short out of 190 they did for Columbia Pictures from 1934-1959. It has a sequel called “I’ll Never Heil Again”. 

            The short opens with three munitions makers complaining about the lack of profits. “There’s no money in peace.” They live in Moronika. They decide to oust the pacifist king and replace him with the stupidest man they can find. It just so happens the Stooges are working as wallpaper hangers in the house. So, Moe Hailstone becomes dictator. Curly Gallstone becomes Goering (with a uniform that has medals on the front and back), and Larry Pebble becomes Goebbels. When Moe asks what a dictator does, he is told, “He gives the people nothing and takes from them everything.” Moe accidentally rubs some black paint under his nose, in case anyone is wondering who he is portraying. Moe gives a speech from a balcony with Larry holding up applause signs. He introduces their slogan: “Moronica for Morons!” (A dig at the Nazis’ “Germany for Germans!”)  Some of the speech is in Hitleresque gibberish. They have a run-in with a beautiful spy named Mattie Herring (Lorna Gray, who lived to 99). To give you an idea of what level of comedy you are watching, the trio look at a map of the world that has places like the Sea of Biscuit, Bolonia, and the Bay of Windows. A meeting with foreign diplomats ends with Curly hitting them with golf balls. Spoiler alert: in the end, the Stooges are eaten by lions. (Unfortunately, the Stooges were not fortune tellers.)

            “You Natzy Spy” was a pretty daring film for its time. This was the era of the Hays Code (1934-1968). It was Hollywood’s creation to avoid government censorship by censoring itself. The code was strict. (It was probably stricter than the government would have been.) It forbid sexuality (nudity, homosexuality, sexy dances, etc.), crime (sympathetic portrayal of criminals, drug trafficking, white slavery), obscenity and profanity, making fun of religion, and interracial romance. It insisted good triumph over evil. The code was in effect until 1968, when it was replaced by the film rating system. Now films are not censored, but viewers are warned about stuff the Hays Code would have forbidden.

The code encouraged Hollywood to treat world figures (like Hitler) “fairly”. The Stooges certainly did not follow that advice, but the Hays Code didn’t police shorts as much as feature films. It was not just Hitler and his henchmen that are targeted. They are lampooned, but the munitions makers are portrayed as evil. The audience would have nodded their heads at this portrayal because there was a strong belief that the munitions makers were a cause of America’s entry into WWI. This makes the film a bit contradictory because it clearly is anti-Nazi and would have resonated with people who thought we needed to intervene, but it reminded people that we had gotten into WWI under false pretenses.

            The film has all the characteristics of a Stooge short. It was rare that they took on politics, but it was not unique. Because of the subject matter, “You Natzy Spy” relies more on jokes than most of the shorts which are dominated by physical comedy. That does not mean you won’t see plenty of eye pokes. It means that you have to listen as well as watch. The dialogue is heavy on puns and word play. “We must throw off the yoke of monarchy and make our country safe for hypocrisy.” Most of the banter is silly. Moe: “We’ll start a blintzkreig.” Curly: “Oh, goodie! I just love blintzes. Especially with sour kreig.” As you can see, there are some Jewish cultural references. It is obvious the Stooges, who were Hebrew. cared about what was happening in Europe. Catching all the jokes can be a problem if you are not familiar with the slang of the time period. At one point, Curly answers Moe’s question with: “Because there are no bones in ice cream.” That line perplexed me until I read that it was a popular nonsensical answer to questions back then.

            If you are a Stooges fan, you’ll enjoy this short. And you might get more respect for them. Making the film was daring at a time when the “America First” movement was powerful. I imagine there were people who boycotted the film. Unlike the vast majority of their films, it has historical significance. BTW if you watch it with your kids, be aware that there are two “6-7”s in it.

GRADE  =  B

The Sea Shall Not Have Them (1954)

               

               “The Sea Shall Not Have Them” is a British WWII film. It was based on the bestselling novel by John Harris. The book was published just one year before the movie was made.  It was directed by Lewis Gilbert (Carve Her Name With Pride, Sink the Bismarck!, HMS Defiant, Reach for the Sky). The title is the motto of the Royal Air Force’s Air Sea Rescue Service.

 

               In 1944, a British plane is shot down by a German fighter and crashes into the North Sea. The crew and passenger manage to get into a dinghy. The passenger is Air Commodore Waltby  (Michael Redgrave). He is carrying top secret papers about German superweapons. Naturally, those papers could win the war. Search planes are sent out to find the valuable intelligence. Guess what they do when a plane flies over.  They  yell and wave their arms. The plane does not hear or see them. They weather a storm, but things are looking bleak. The movie now intercuts between a rescue launch and the dinghy. The launch suffers mechanical problems. The movie has a series of unfortunate incidents that escalate the excitement. These include possible capturing by Germans, a minefield, and shore batteries.

 

               “The Sea Shall Not Have Them” is a decent time waster. It is very British with a very British cast. That’s not a criticism. The cast includes Dirk Bogarde and Nigel Patrick. The actors are solid, but the effects are a bit stodgy. The dinghy scenes were clearly filmed in front of a screen. In spite of the low budget, the film does have some suspense. The hardships they face were a bit much for one sea rescue operation, but nothing happens that could not have happened. In a tribute to the RAF Sea Air Rescue Service, it is appropriate to show a variety of scenarios. The movie does a good job giving credit to an organization that was not well known at the time. It builds nicely to a stirring rescue scene.

 

GRADE  =  C

The Tiger (2025)

            “Der Tiger” is a new WWII tank movie streaming on Amazon Prime. It was co-written and directed by Dennis Gansel. He directed eleven episodes of the “Das Boot” tv series. A Soviet T-55 chassis was mocked up to resemble a Tiger. It does look like a Tiger and effort was put into the interior to make it look authentic. I checked some diagrams of the interior of a Tiger and the film got it right. The movie begins with a title card reminding us that “Only the dead have seen the end of war.” Not very original and after you see the movie you will wonder if that quote was meant as a deception.

The movie takes place o the Dnieper Front in the fall of 1943. The German army is on the retreat everywhere in Russia. The titular tank is protecting the retreat of one of those retreating units. It is stationed at the Soviet end of a bridge and is literally the last German vehicle that has yet to cross the bridge. In a well-done action scene, the tank holds off Soviet infantry and tanks. The Tiger is a beast that is capable of holding its own against great odds. And it can take a licking. It is apparent why it was the most feared tank in the war. This will be emphasized throughout the movie. 

The crew is led by Lt. Gurkens (David Schutter) who is a typical gritty commander, but he is not a martinet. The crew calls him by his first name. There are four other crewmen. Some are stock tank characters. The radio operator wears glasses, which is mandatory in war movies. The gunner is the commander’s best friend and is wiling to disagree with him. (He reminds of the chief engineer in ‘Das Boot” the movie.  The driver is a veteran who is good at his job. There is a loader and a co-driver. Needless to say, they won’t all survive.

            Gurkens is given a secret mission which is to go behind enemy lines to rescue an officer who has plans that cannot fall into enemy hands. If they fail, the war is lost, of course. The officer happens to be the godfather of Gurkens’ son. A series of flashbacks teases out their relationship. The movie has a mystery to solve. The road trip is a series of vignettes which is normal for these kinds of movies. They encounter a minefield where they are able to treat us to the cliché of one of the crew having to be saved from blowing up. They run into Soviet tanks and one persistent SU-100. This monster of a self-propelled gun is actually a year away from combat in reality, but it had a scarier 100 mm. gun than the SU-85s 85. At one point, the Tiger has to submerge to avoid impossible odds. They encounter a German unit burning a village and killing civilians. The commander is a stereotypical evil Nazi, but he is the only Nazi in the movie. The crew is apolitical. They eventually reach the bunker where their target is located.

            “The Tiger” is an intriguing movie. It has some of the cliches you see in tank movies, like the behind the lines mission and some stereotypical characters. But it avoids others. There is little dysfunction in the crew. All of them are appealing characters and they have the kind of camaraderie you would expect in a seasoned crew. Their banter is unforced. The death of one of the crew is heart-tugging and way above average for a low budget war movie. (I am a critic of the laughable depictions of death in most war movies.) Durkens is well-respected and is a good leader. But we do reach the point in the movie where his crew asks the inevitable question: “Is this mission worth what we are going through?” Durkens’ answer is “duty is duty.”

            I was not expecting much from this movie. The tank subgenre is not noted for its quality. There is no “Das Boot” equivalent and most of the films are below average for war movies. “The Tiger” stands out because although it has some cliches (ex. the mission behind the lines) and stereotyped characters (ex. the evil Nazi), it manages to avoid being predictable and unoriginal. It has a scene that I have never seen in a war movie (the submergence scene) and the tank does things I have never seen from any tank (ex. it launches smoke grenades). It is a well-made film with good acting and outstanding sound effects. But the main thing that sets it apart from other tank movies is a twist that I won’t give away. It’s worth the watch to see what I am talking about. Let me know if you figure it out and if you think it is better than “Fury” or “The Beast”.

GRADE  =  B+

PINOCCHIO (2022)

                 “Pinocchio” (also known as “Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio”) was a passion project for the director. He had wanted to make the film for decades as he was a huge fan of the novel The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi. The novel was published in 1883 and set in 1880s Italy. Del Toro decided to move his story to WWII Italy. He wanted his version to be darker than Disney’s. He was influenced by “Frankenstein”. The famed director wanted one theme to be generational differences between a father and his son. He also wanted the film to be about compassion. Pinocchio is not only a liar, but he is meant to be a typical boy lacking self-control. He contrasts with the puppet-like behavior of the children in fascist Italy. The twin journeys of the father and son find Pinocchio becoming more human and Geppetto becoming more loving. He based his character designs on artist Gris Grimly’s illustrations for the 2002 edition of the novel. He changed many of the characters. Spazzatura the monkey replaces the Cat. Count Volpe (Christopher Waltz) is a composite of the Fox, Mangiafuoco, and the Ringmaster. The Coachman becomes the Podesta (Ron Perlman). And del Toro adds Mussolini (Tom Kenny) as the figurehead of fascism. 

Del Toro decided to go with stop motion animation. It became the longest stop motion film ever made. The film was announced in 2008 and later Del Toro predicted a release in 2013, Unfortunately, he had trouble finding a studio that would finance a big budget adaptation of a classic animated film. Finally, Netflix decided to bankroll the film. It was a good decision because although the production cost $35 million, it made $110 million. Del Toro assembled an all-star line-up of vocal actors including Ewan McGregor, Ron Perlman, Christopher Waltz, and Tilda Swinson. Cate Blanchett begged to be on the project, but the only role left was the monkey Spazzatura. She jumped at it. For Pinocchio, del Toro chose Gregory Mann for Pinocchio because he had a normal child’s voice, not an animated character voice. The film was critically acclaimed and won best animated movie awards from the Academy Awards, BAFTA, Golden Globes, and Screen Actor’s Guild.

Twenty years after the end of WWI, Geppetto (David Bradley) lives in an idyllic village in Italy. He lost his son in the war and a treacly song over a montage of their lives together makes it clear his happiest days are over. One night while drunk, he carves a boy out of a tree that grew on his son’s grave. A wood sprite brings the puppet to life and assigns a cricket (Ewan McGregor) to guide Pinocchio. He narrates the film. Guiding him won’t be easy as Pinocchio has the self-control of a toddler. Geppetto can’t handle him so like parents over the centuries, he sends him to school to have the teachers parent him. In a movie full of villains, the town has an evil priest, the local fascist leader, and his bully son. Before he can attend school, he is connived into joining the circus by Count Volpe (Christophe Waltz) and his nefarious monkey (Blanchett). When Geppetto comes to recover his lying son, an altercation results in the death of the puppet. This is when he finds out he cannot die for good. He is revived after a certain amount of time, each time. In one of those lives, he is a propaganda tool for the government until an ill-fated run-in with Il Duce himself. He then ends up in boot camp because what could be better than a soldier who can’t be killed. But everyone else in this movie can be and most are. This movie has a stunningly high death count among its main characters. But don’t worry, Del Toro made a gritty, harsh Pinocchio, but he did not have the guts to forego a happy ending.

“Pinocchio” is barely a war movie. It is set in WWII and the war comes to the town by way of the air, but Pinocchio does not get into combat. Oddly, it is not hard on fascism and Mussolini is only lightly lampooned. You may want to explain to your children who that war criminal is. And why he is the least villainous of the villains. The number of villains stands out, but they are mostly stereotypes. The movie also has several cliches, including redemption arcs for two main characters. And there is the “you’re a burden” scene that you see in dysfunctional father-son movies. The animation is awesome. However, the songs are underwhelming. The movie is a feast for the eyes, but not for the ears.

In conclusion, “Pinocchio” is overrated, especially as a war movie. It certainly is a different take on the classic and for that reason it is worth the watch. And the talent that went into it is very apparent. I feel it is a bit harsh for younger children, so you may want to wait a few years before letting them watch it. And make sure you are viewing it with them.

GRADE =  B