On the sixth day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me – six wild geese a slaying
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“The Wild Geese” is sometimes referred to as the
father of mercenary movies. How proud it
must be to have sired that low quality subgenre! It was based on an unpublished novel about
the rescue of an African leader by an elite force of mercenaries. The producer dreamed of replicating “The Guns
of Navarone” and “Where Eagles Dare”.
Dream big, baby! The producer
rounded up an all-star cast of codgers and took them off to South Africa for
filming. An interesting choice for a
movie that has a theme of integration.
“The Wild Geese” opens with a song that rivals “Soldier Blue”
in bizarre crappiness. Not a good
start. A veteran mercenary leader (he
looks old enough to have served with Walker in Nicaragua) named Faulkner
(Richard Burton - who agreed not to drink during the shoot) is contracted to
rescue the African leader Limbani by a copper industrialist who oozes future betrayal. Next comes
the obligatory recruitment sequence.
Faulkner reunites with tactician Janders (Richard Harris - who agreed to
not drink during the shoot), pilot Fynn (Roger Moore), drill sergeant Young
(Jack Watson), and kaffir-hater Coetzee (Hardy Kruger - who agreed to stop
smoking crack, just kidding). This is
followed by the corollary interviewing of the cannon fodder. They ask each why they want to slaughter
Africans, in so many words. Oh, and are
you over 50 years old? Interestingly,
their net snares a gay medic named Witty (Kenneth Griffith). Training montage, anyone?
In case you’re wondering what do
mercenaries do to train – jumping off a tower, tossing logs, and bayonet
practice. It’s off to Africa. They parachute in and no one gets caught in a
tree! They are startled by an exotic
animal – an ostrich! (As far as I know the
only appearance by one in a war movie.)
The rescue of Limbani is suspiciously easy what with Coetzee using his crossbow
and the cyanide gas used on the guards.
What a boring anticlimax! But,
wait – there are complications due to a double-cross by a copper magnate. Imagine
that.
The movie transitions to a trek
film after one badass Piper Cub strafes and napalms their jaunty victory convoy. On the way to their alternate egress, Coetzee
and Limbani debate colonialism and Coetzee sees the light while carrying his
new “don’t call him kaffir” buddy.
Bodies begin to fall and not just expendables. Even the name actors are vulnerable. The movie posits the question: who will survive? And did their nursing home hold their room? The first openly gay character in a war movie
(as far as I know) gets to kick some ass before being gang-macheted. (I am quite sure that this is the only time in war movie history that an openly gay character is killed by Africans wielding machetes.) Get your calculator out to keep track of how
many African soldiers are mowed down.
The movie looks like “Zulu” with automatic weapons. As per war movie rules, the good guys never
miss and the bad guys are never just wounded. The mortality rate is the same as in every other war movie - 100%. All this leads to a plane piloted by
Fynn. Janders gets his Von Ryan
moment. (I didn’t cry this time.) Percentage of geezers still alive – 33%. Percentage of greedy, corrupt industrialists still alive - 0%.
“The Wild Geese” has become
something of a cult classic since it bombed in the U.S. upon release. I guess I don’t belong to that cult. It is hard to get past the stunt-casting of
old has-beens. Not only are they too old
for their roles, but they act tired. At
least “Grudge Match” is meant to be a comedy.
The film looks cheaply made. The
cinematography is that of a made for TV movie.
Check out the cheesy 60’s sets, fashions, and women in the British
scenes. The dialogue is not bad as you
would expect and the movie has a large amount of action in the last 30
minutes. If you can sit through the build-up, the payoff is pretty visceral. That is if you consider slaughtering
Africans to be action. It does have a
number of classic clichés, but that just allows you to feel good about yourself
as you predict a lot of what is going to happen.
It’s hard to be too harsh with a
movie that portrays mercenaries with hearts.
It is entertaining in a mindless sort of way. Is it a worthy successor to “The Guns of
Navarone” and “Where Eagles Dare”? Ha ha
ha ha ha!
Does it spread Christmas spirit? Fa la la la no.
P.S. That's one great poster!
Grade = C
I saw this movie as a teenager and ate up every second. I dread watching it again because I will probably be disappointed. It is probably the only film by Andrew McLaglen that I ever enjoyed.
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DeleteThanks for the suggestion. I will check it out. Looks like a better cast. I will have to compute the average age for the two.
DeleteI would concur with your trepidation. If you still have some of the fourteen year old boy in you, you might still enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI liked your review of Flight of the Wild Geese. It didn't occur to me until you pointed it out that this might be a '70s version of The Expendables. :)
ReplyDeleteThe opening music reminded me of the music for Hostage, an old Soldier of Fortune adverisement, I mean highjacking film also set in Africa involving a DC 3, some lily white "Arabs" and the requisite sick kid needing urgent medical attention like in Airport 75. That had some whacky phone hold music song called Got to be Free.
I laughed at Coetzee's conversion bit the most. A dyed in the wool stone cold racist and he does an abrupt turn and goes full tolerance after thirty seconds of talking with a random dude he's known for roughly a few hours. Just like that.
I wanted Richard Harris to live though. But as he was planning on taking his little boy on holiday you knew from the get go he wasn't walking out of that warzone alive.
Awesome reviews all around.
Thanks. You are right about Coetzee's conversion. Harris was the only character I cared about, but as you point out he was dead meat from the start.
ReplyDeleteLove this film. As many of my British generation. Loved it as a child, and still love it.
ReplyDeleteMovie wax way ahead of its time with the gay medic.
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