The Great Wall (2016)

 

                

            “The Great Wall” was the most expensive Chinese movie up to that time.  Some of that money was spent on hiring some mercenaries.  Those mercenaries were Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and Willem Dafoe.  You have to give credit to Damon for spending months learning archery from a world champion.  It was not just a cash grab for him (like cryptocurrency).  He’s not Bruce Willis, yet.  A good rule of thumb is you see a white actor in the cast of a Chinese or Korean movie, it’s a stinker.  Three Americans just smacks of desperation.  The movie was directed by Zhang Ysmou, who directed three movies nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at the Academy Awards.  But the last time was “Heroes” in 2003.  Since then he made a war movie entitled “The Flowers of War”.  In that movie, the hired gun was Christian Bale and the result was predictably mediocre.  The movie was international in not just the cast.  There were over 100 translators on set to deal with the actors and crew. The Chinese government did not allow filming on the Great Wall.  Three sections of wall were constructed and CGI was also used.  The monsters in the movie were based on a legend of aliens attacking China.

            The movie opens weakly with a very CGI-looking wall.  Before you can settle in your seat, there is a chase scene to establish that William (Damon) and Pero (Pascal) are rogues.  We learn that they are in China to steal some gunpowder and bring it back to Europe.  Then European chemists can replicate it and let the more efficient killing begin and medieval war movies can have explosions!  One night they kill a monster and bring its arm to the Great Wall.  Nice calling card.  The Chinese are not surprised because the Tao Tie (think velociraptors with bad attitudes since they haven’t eaten in decades) are due for their once every sixty years onslaught.  (Don’t ask how they survived the previous ones.)  But the beasts are a week early.  Wait, can they do that?  

The whites make the acquaintance of the Nameless Order who are tasked with defending the wall.  The second in command is Lin (Jing Tian). Think Mulan as an adult.  They also encounter a European named Ballard (Willem Dafoe) who came for the same reason they did, but was captured and turned into a tutor.  They will suffer a similar fate, but a monster attack gives them the chance to exhibit their warrior cred.  The movie now enters the typical battle, exposition, battle, exposition cycle.  Everyone has come for the action (and to see Damon with lots of hair) and it does not disappoint if you love ridiculousness.  As with all epic fictional battle movies, each action scene must be topped by the next, which usually means new awesome weapons.  (Don’t ask why they were held back.)  My scorecard had this order:  1.  Flaming fire balls  2.  Amazingly accurate arrows  3.  Women warriors on bungie cords using spears (my favorite)  4.  Spiked fireballs  5.  Screaming arrows  6.  Gunpowder arrows.  Note the lack of the usual clanging.  That’s because the Tao Tie can’t hold swords.  Most of the plot developments are predictable.  William has the chance to quit the fight and return to Europe, but …  For the price of one movie, we get a second battle at the capital. And we get there by hot air balloons!

As you might guess, I came into this movie with a jaundiced view.  It did not do well in America and the trailer made me sorry for Matt Damon.  I was not aware until I prepared this review that the movie had been criticized for whitewashing, which is the current liberal pet peeve.  It turns out that is a bit bogus because the template required three whites to work.  It’s not like William was married to Lin.  By the way, one refreshing thing about the plot is there is no romance.  The other criticism, which does hold water, is the white savior trope.  But if William takes the chance to sit the last battle out as he rides into the sunset, the Earth plunges into the Sun.  The movie does not mess with the grand order of things.

My advice is to continually tell yourself that the movie is recreating a legend.    That way the silliness can be blamed on mythology.  (And you should imagine the script was written with input from the screenwriter’s fourteen year old son.)  Keeping that in mind, the movie is better than the similarly plotted “The Thirteenth Warrior”, but not as good as “Kingdom of Heaven”.  The CGI for the monsters is on a par with “Starship Troopers” which means it’s not distracting.  They are pretty scary.  The battles remind of “Starship Troopers” and “Lord of the Rings”.

“The Great Wall” is forgettable, but mildly entertaining.  Matt Damon’s daughter told him it should have been called “The Wall”.  Way to keep dad’s ego in check!

 

GRADE  =  C